What is my value?
and feeling unsure about what we can offer the world.
Recently I’ve been questioning ‘What is my value?’
It’s not the easiest thing to determine as it can be difficult to see yourself clearly.
Three years ago I had my first baby and since then Im challenged when thinking about how i provide value to the world outside of being a mum.
Life has become bizarre. The way i value myself and the symbols that reflect my value, continue to change. Before baby was born everything was pretty standard.
Decent career, income, post code, circle of friends. No wrinkles. Post honeymoon glow. Independence plus plus plus.
Life made sense.
Three years on, it all looks different. We have a beautiful little dude who i treasure, love and adore.
But my nursing career, income and ambition is at a standstill. My postcode is much less desirable. Circle of friends has diminished as life demands creep in. Bank balance is less. The only glow i have is from rosacea which apparently shows up in your 30’s and is triggered by anything i enjoy (exercise, hot showers, caffeine).
What gives me a sense of self worth now? What is my value in the world?
I thought my value would be found in the role of being a wife and mother. But its not been so straightforward.
When I’m old and at the exit door, what will i look back at? What will make me say ‘ah yes I provided great value to the world’.
Will it be as simple as saying i was a good mum and wife?
I’m not sure.
How do I value myself? What value do i provide?
After feeling this thorny question the last few months, i’ve concluded it’s maybe the wrong question. Or rather, I’ve missed the mark somewhat.
I’ve been so focused on myself, I’ve lost sight of the bigger picture.
A better question to ask might be ‘how can i give value to others?’
How can I leave this world a little better?
How can i help people both in my physical and digital orbit to live better lives? To feel more at ease with their own existence. To thrive.
In nursing, the thing I love is the opportunity to comfort, reassure and help the person who needs it.
The patient, the family member, the nursing student, the new junior doc, the colleague who feels low.
Helping others gives me a sense of self-worth and value.
Helping them feel safe in the knowing ‘I see you, I hear you, I am here for you.’
Appropriately sprinkled with answers, solutions, reassurance and always a kind heart.
When we give, we receive.
When we help others, it helps us.
When we help others expand, we expand too.
We are not separate.
We are all cells in one great organism.
All connected.
How do you value yourself?
What do you base your sense of personal value on?
‘Me, myself and I’ is a lonely place.
Like a piece broken off from the whole.
Maybe a better question is ‘how can i help others?’
Who do i know of and care about that needs to feel ‘I see you, I hear you, I am here for you’ maybe with some solutions and advice. Maybe not.
Maybe in giving this to others, we are giving it to ourselves. And maybe here we find our sense of self-worth and personal value.
Below is a clip from ‘Isaiah Talamantez’. He says:
‘There’s more to life than just yourself.
Imagine you are alone here on Earth and you are the only human to ever exist.
You get to live your entire life with all your needs met and you can have anything that you want and you can have all the fun you can have and see all the things you want to see.
Eventually you pass.
You had fun and you may have been happy, but was there a purpose to your existence?’
Maybe we find our value by helping others. By being of service.
Maybe we don’t even have to always have answers and solutions and actionable advice.
There’s a great deal of value in simply creating a safe space for others to feel seen, heard and like they matter. By reflecting the value of another’s life back at them, reassuring them that they are valued and meaningful.
By lifting others up, we improve their life which in turn has a ripple effect as they feel inspired to do the same.
Maybe in helping others and helping them feel valued, we find some of our own value.